So I popped open my Kroger app to load the week’s coupons (OMG the data harvesting, I know–wait until you find out what the DMV and Post Office do with your name, birth date and address, which you’re legally obligated to give to them and never lie about) and was greeted not with the weekly flyer schtick, not some ad advertising whatever Unilever is paying them to this week, or even a honkin’ banner pushing their stupid subscription service.
I got this:
Which I suppose is technically an ad for their subscription service, but it’s not front-and-center like usual.
I mean, their new shopping subscription is bullshit. Especially considering I have to run through self-checkout 99% of the time because there’s only one cashier helming a register, to whom practically every senior in the store goes because they hate dealing with the Kroger Skynet Registers and their unilateral disdain for the reusable bags we must have because The State decreed “Thou shalt not use plastic… and give us $.10 for every paper container.” And they probably appreciate the help bagging their groceries anyway.
Come clean, Kroger. We all know you’re not going to be using that subscription revenue to employ humans; you probably won’t even be using it on inventory. You’re probably going to have to use it to pay the breakup fee when the FTC blocks your merger with Albertson’s.
But what I want to know is just how desperate Disney is for subscribers if they’re padding their quarterly numbers… with grocery subscription MAU’s? I mean, who goes to a grocery store, especially these days with record inflation, and says, “Yeah, let’s spend more money on yet another subscription to something that won’t feed my family!” Because nothing says fiscal responsibility more than monthly subscriptions to multiple streaming services that cost 10x more than that traditional cable service you cut out a decade ago to save money…
Where’s this going to pop up next?
Jeez, it’s gonna be at CVS, isn’t it. Next time I go get my meds, I’m going to get a long-ass receipt that I did not request, and at the end there’s gonna be a QR code for a free trial of Disney+ as part of that ExtraCare subscription they have.
And they’ll probably start requiring a subscription to use the drive-through. Because of course they will. Everyone’s gotta get their own subscription service going. Especially if they’re actively replacing humans with a botnet.
FML.
At least I still deal with humans at the pharmacy.
For now.